Friday, October 23, 2009

Once You Give Up Your Child...

I know that there are some children who are better off outside of their birth homes. All of us know that. But, we also know that government can sometimes talk a mother out of her kids...even convince her that there is no other option...Or, that it is her only chance of ever seeing the child again because they will MAKE that happen if the mother does not cooperate. I don't know the mother in the following missive. But many know how she feels:
I gave my children to the state willingly to in return receive a 15 minute "visit" behind a two way mirror. Basically I got to LOOK at them.
For almost 3 years I missed them. Until desperation set it.

The only other place I have witnessed such desperation..was at my best friends funeral when I was 10 years old. He was 9. At the grave site his mother sobbed and attempted to jump into the grave as they lowered him into the ground. She was screaming "I just want to see him one more time, I will do anything!!!". This was unfortunately the exact same emotion I felt, and lived.

But instead of one. It was all of my children. I let them go away forever. Never to be seen again. (sound similar to death?)
Just to see them all- one more time.

Now this is what the state has done to me. I lost my soul, my mind, my will to live and love. I don't know who I am anymore after the horror I have been through.

I stood just inches from my children...they were just out of my reach. They didn't even know I was there. That was it. That was goodbye.

I hope you post this Pam. Let the world know what they have done to me. Please.



Anonymous said...

L....I will keep you in my prayers daily, I cannot even imagine the torment you must live with. Please remember you are loved and those children no matter where they are, no matter who they are with, no matter what is brought into their lives...the memory of YOU will be forever inside of them, heart,soul and thoughts. Much Love

Anonymous said...

Can I get some input on psychological evaluations and results people have had? I`m hearing that it`s fairly routine that the dept. asks for evals. to be done. However, I haven`t heard a lot of good stories about the outcomes of them. I`m hoping to hear some good news.

Anonymous said...

I also know ambiguous loss inflicted by the sate. I did not give my children up, they were taken. Even though I had completed everything they ordered me to do. They kept them. My youngest daughter was adopted to strangers eve though we had family willing and available to take her. We were told that family was not an option for her because she was in a different program. Back then I did not know there was no such thing as a different program. What they were not counting on was my sons leaving state care and refusing to stay anywhere but with me. They would send the police out to pick them up then place them in a foster home. Within 5 minutes they would tell them thank you for the offer but they were going home.
The pain of losing children never goes away. My daughter has not been allowed any contact with her brothers and sister for six years now. They allowed a 30 minute good-bye visit. Such nice people we have on our payroll. And what kind of people adopted my daughter? I question their character because they have completely cut off sibling connections. the kids were very close. The system is cruel to children and people who adopt foster children seem to be of the same breed. Even though in our case I know where my daughter is and am not a threat they still do not aknowledge she has feelings and her own family.
They call all this in the best interest of children.
My prayers are with this woman. We have four years three months and eighteen days longer to wait untill we retrieve her. That is if she does not follow her brothers footsteps and return before then. She has our genes and knows that she was never abused or neglected. She left a message a while back so we know it is just a matter of time. My advise is to Keep Faith! The courts can dole out children but only God can take them from you forever.

Divotdawg said...

I am so sorry this happened to you. I lost my 2 youngest girls to the state of North Carolina. I know that "just one more time" feeling. I am an avid parental rights advocate and I help a lot of people but I would give it all back for just one more day, one more hour, one more second. I miss them so much it's like a physical pain unlike anything else in this world. It affects me everywhere. They stole my girls, they stole my life but I will NOT let them steal my soul or my mind. I need that to fight them. I will keep you in prayers. Feel free to contact me at if you ever need someone to talk to.

Anonymous said...

I am going through a dependancy case that has dragged on for almost two years I don't know how much more I can take of the imtimadation and cps trying to destroye my life so they can hav my child. I can't find anyone to help me as of yet but, I've done nothing wrong and the reason they took my child was lack of my wife doing her services in the past but after being ordered my to judges to pay for her some counselling the dept child and family services have not done it yet. They were ordered in 2005 to do this and refuse. Today I will continue my fight for my child by myself against the large experienced dept that uses all type of dirty tricks to keep my child. They called my job over 10 times to talk to my employer about what my hours were. Told them they thought I was using drugs. Until finally I was let go.

Anonymous said...

I lost contact with a grandchild I raised until she was 5.5 years old - why because in this state Grandparents and extended family have not rights!! I now get to see her once a month. This is what this now 8 year old child says. When I get scared I am going to cut a hole in the wall, climb out and come home. They don't know me. My god what will she be like in 10 years. What scars do they leave on these poor children.

Anonymous said...

I think one of the hardest parts of moving on is that not one family member of mine wants to talk about my kids or hear me talk about them. It is hard to think I am the only one who still wants to talk about them.

Anonymous said...

Keep on talking about your kids no matter what. Sometime everyone around you just does not know how to deal with things. Kind of ,no exactly how people many times react when someone dies.
Keep on talking. I know and my heart is with you

Anonymous said...

I am sicckened by this story. Even siccker to know it is not the only one like it.

There needs to be some sort of regulations for disclosure of rights. An oppportunity for councel prior to the original court proceedings. Oh! We had counsel all right. She was a puppet for the prosecutor and walked back and forth between the prosecutors office and the room my daughter was in and no one else was allowed saying hurry up we have to hurry up she told her she was signing temporary papers and should have her kids back in a few days. When my daughter came out of that room papers in hand her sister looked at the paperwork that said she had signed them over to the court for a minimum of 90 days.

This is not due process. Oh but she hasn't commited a crime! She only stands to loose her children! It Happens everyday! If would not be arrested or have to experience retaliation our case, I would stand outside of that court and tell every parent to comes through the door what I know.

Anonymous said...

They go on a case by case basis; one foster family can have 10 children and live in a dump; a biological family must have a mansion. One foster family leaves one child in day care and the biological child goes to the grandparents. One foster mom says, the child is suffering through visits with parents, great, stop visits for a while; biological family states the same: "up the visits!" The biological family asks, What are you feeding her? The social worker says: "Mom thinks she is being poisened!" Keep her away!" Foster parent says: child is sick, "ok" let him stay home." Biological parent says the same, "Oh No" he must be at visits! Child stays sick. Now it's the biological families' fault. Child is sick all the time, not good!" So different depending as to "who you are" and "who you work for."